The night of July 14, I had a most unpleasant demonic visit during the 3:00 am hour, which of course, is known by many as the devil's hour. Sleeping on my right side, I awakened feeling a heavy weight push my mattress down behind me, as if someone were crawling into bed with me. Paralyzed, I heard unintelligible whisperings in my ear, and could only make out the word, "backyard". The presence left after I cried out. I immediatley wondered if something was in my backyard, but I also got angry, thinking, hell no, I'm not going to go look in my backyard. That demon was tempting me to be frightened, and worse, believe what he said. I thought of Jesus and how I needed his strength right then. Couldn't sleep for most of the rest of the night and had trouble falling asleep the next night. The third night, I tossed holy water on the bed. I haven't been bothered since, but he'll probably be back sooner or later, as always.
Today, I called my prayer group leader (pgl) to speak about it. I watched Sid Roth's show called It's Supernatural, and listened to a man speak about casting demons out. I do know the devil has legal right to torment me because of my behaviors before I was saved. My pgl asked me if I had ever played with a Ouija Board, tarot cards, etc. I told her when I was very young, perhaps between the ages of 8-14, I played with a friend's Ouija Board. We didn't get any results, thank God, and put it away. I can't remember, but I don't think we tried it more than a couple of times. Then, my pgl said I probably needed to have an Inner Healing and Deliverance. I told her I felt in my heart that God wanted me to bear this, after all, there weren't that many struggles in my life other than trying to finish a book and living single, which sometimes feels unbearable. We spoke of this during the 3:00 hour today, which is the hour of Christ's death. I received no affirmation when I asked if God wanted me to do have a deliverance performed, but I received a slight movement of the spirit when I asked if He wanted me to bear this affliction.
Feeling I needed stronger assurance, I went to my room and prayed again for guidance, apologizing I was asking twice. This time, the goose bumps were very strong, and I felt tears in my eyes. I'm sitting here realizing that things are going to bother me during the night, and I have no one's shoulder to cry on, no flesh to lean on. I have Jesus, and He says in my heart I can bear all things through Him who gives me strength. I texted my pgl back and said, "He wishes me to bear my torments as a sacrifice to glorify Him through my obedience." I left this next part out of the text...that I also feel that sacrifice will result in someone's conversion
It is a cross I must bear. I just don't know what I'm going to do if or when things get worse....but I know one thing.
There's no place to run and no place to hide.
This demon, whom I call Mabus, is a seducing spirit, and he is more powerful than Baal, the Holy Spirit placed in my heart. I believe he must be the spirit of fornication. He was allowed to overpower me right after my divorce, and thus I was humbled. When you screw up big time, it's almost impossible to become proud, and it keeps you from judging others so much, and I'd judged a lot. Jesus said to his captors that they had no power over him unless it was given from above. The devil has no power over you unless it is given from above. Some people don't believe that, but it is true.
I've said it before, we're allowed to stumble and fall so that after we repent, we remain humble and contrite.
Not a single ungrateful soul is to be found in heaven. Many who arrive will be dirty sheep that had to get a good scrubbing beforehand.
I was led by the Spirit to watch the Last Rite movie with Anthony Hopkins. If I could describe Mabus, I'd say he was the unknown demon in the movie, the one that wore a black, hooded robe and who touched the young priests face seductively and then grabs him by the throat to choke him. Throughout the movie, one can see the young priest noticing women. That's the thorn in his side. Since I have a tendency to look at men everywhere I go, that thorn is also mine.
On a positive note, I will say that on Saturday the Sabbath, two days after the demonic visitation, Saturday, the Lord consoled me. He took away a lot of hurt in my heart that I'd been feeling after finding out someone I was highly interested in got married a few weeks ago. I had felt crushed and let down because I'd been feeling that perhaps we were going to be reunited. It had been the hardest thing in the world not to pick up the phone and plead with him, but I decided instead to place it in God's hands. Either his heart would be hardened against me and he'd move on, or we'd reconnect. I loved him, but he moved on.
Wash your robe and make it white in the blood of the Lamb.
